What Did Benjamin Franklin Say About Marriage? Quotes + Life Lessons

Benjamin Franklin—scientist, diplomat, Founding Father—was also a husband for 44 years and father to three children. His writings on marriage and family reveal practical wisdom shaped by both success and honest failure.

Franklin's marriage to Deborah Read was a partnership of remarkable devotion and notable absence. Through his quotes, letters, and autobiography, we see a man who understood marriage's value while struggling to fully live it.

Key Takeaways

• Franklin called marriage "the most natural State of Man"
• His famous advice: "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards"
• He believed "Man and Woman united make the compleat human Being"
• Franklin and Deborah were married 44 years, though he spent 15 abroad
• His wisdom comes with honest regret—he knew the cost of his absences

Franklin's Marriage to Deborah Read

Franklin first met Deborah Read in 1723, when he arrived in Philadelphia as a 17-year-old runaway. She watched him walk past her father's house carrying three large puffy rolls—an image Franklin later found amusing.

They courted, but Franklin left for London. In his absence, Deborah's mother encouraged her to marry John Rogers—who turned out to be a bigamist and soon disappeared.

When Franklin returned to Philadelphia, they rekindled their relationship. Because Deborah couldn't legally divorce the missing Rogers, they entered a common-law marriage on September 1, 1730.

Their Partnership

Deborah proved an exceptional partner. While Franklin built his printing business and pursued science and politics, she:

• Managed the print shop and bookstore
• Handled household bookkeeping
• Held power of attorney during his travels—rare for women of the era
• Raised their children, including William, Franklin's son from before their marriage

The Long Absences

Franklin spent 15 of their 44 married years abroad—in London and Paris for diplomatic missions. Deborah, who feared ocean travel, never joined him. She died on December 19, 1774, while Franklin was still in London.

On Choosing a Partner

Franklin's most famous marriage advice appeared inPoor Richard's Almanack:

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."

This captures two principles:

Choose Carefully

"Eyes wide open" means investigate thoroughly before committing. See your potential partner in varied circumstances. Observe their character under stress, their treatment of others, their habits and values.

Forgive Generously

"Half shut afterwards" means once married, overlook minor faults. Don't spend your marriage cataloging imperfections. The scrutiny appropriate for choosing is destructive once chosen.

Franklin also wrote practical advice in a letter:

"If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient."

This reflects his partnership with Deborah—her "good Economy" managing the household while he pursued his "Industry."

On Love and Respect

Franklin wrote simply about love:

"If you would be loved, love and be loveable."

Love isn't passive—it requires action ("love") and character ("be loveable"). You can't demand love; you earn it through behavior.

On respect in marriage, he was specific:

"Treat your wife always with respect; it will procure respect to you, not from her only, but from all that observe it. Never use a slighting expression to her, even in jest."

This connects to Franklin's Sincerity virtue: even jokes shouldn't undermine your partner. Public respect for your spouse reflects your own character.

Franklin also warned about loveless marriages:

"Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage."

A practical warning: marriages based only on convenience, without genuine affection, often lead to seeking love elsewhere.

On Partnership and Roles

Franklin viewed marriage as creating something greater than either person alone:

"It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility, and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World."

While Franklin's gendered descriptions reflect his era, the core insight remains: partners complement each other's strengths and compensate for weaknesses.

He went further:

"A single man...is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars."

Scissors need both halves to function. Franklin believed both partners needed each other to reach their full potential.

He also advocated strongly for marriage as the natural state:

"Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness."

On Family Life

Franklin and Deborah had two children together:

• Francis Folger Franklin (1732-1736) — died of smallpox at age 4
• Sarah Franklin (1743-1808) — called "Sally," she cared for her mother in Franklin's absences

Deborah also raised William Franklin, Benjamin's illegitimate son born before their marriage.

The loss of young Francis affected Franklin deeply. He later became a passionate advocate for smallpox inoculation, writing about his regret at not having inoculated his son.

Franklin's Honest Failures

Franklin's marriage wisdom is more credible because he acknowledged his own shortcomings:

15 Years Apart

Franklin chose diplomatic service over presence with his wife. Whatever the public good, this was a personal cost. He was in London when Deborah died—they never said goodbye.

The Chastity Virtue

In his Chastity virtue confession, Franklin admitted he "fell far short" of his own standards. His relationship history before marriage was complicated.

Work-Life Balance

Franklin's extraordinary achievements came with trade-offs. His Industry virtue drove him to constant work—sometimes at the expense of family presence.

This honesty makes his advice valuable: it comes from experience, not idealism.

Applying Franklin's Wisdom Today

1. Choose Carefully, Commit Fully

Date with "eyes wide open." Once committed, practice the generous overlooking of imperfection that long partnership requires.

2. Show Daily Respect

Never use "slighting expressions, even in jest." How you speak to your partner—especially in front of others—defines your relationship.

3. Be Present

Franklin's greatest regret was absence. Whatever your work demands, make time for presence. You can't recover years lost—something Franklin knew too well.

4. Build a Partnership

See marriage as creating something neither person could achieve alone. Complement each other's strengths. Cover each other's weaknesses.

5. Love Actively

"If you would be loved, love and be loveable." Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Show it through action, not just words.

Practice the Related Virtues

Use our Ben Franklin Virtues app to track the virtues that strengthen relationships: Sincerity (honest communication), Moderation (patience), and Justice (fairness to your partner).